Dancing: A Month of Letting Go!
Picture this…
You’re on your 2nd dance lesson. You’ve learned a few moves and you start thinking to yourself “I’ve totally got this down! I know the man is supposed to lead, but I’ve got this!” so you start anticipating the moves…. that makes you a good dancer right? In order to be perfect, you should just take the lead and do the next step! Brilliant idea! Go!
Wham… you knee your instructor in the crotch…
Just kidding, it wasn’t in the crotch, but our knees did collide and holy shit did it hurt! I’m pretty sure we both had bruises for a solid week.
At this point, my instructor just looks at me and says “did you just try to back lead me?” Whoopsy….
This led into a wonderful therapy session discussing how I act in daily life. Do I normally have issues letting go of control? Do I always have to be perfect? Do I care a lot about how people view me?
Little did I know that dancing was going to make me face some strong insecurities that I have. Since I love to analyze myself, I was excited to be faced with an opportunity to address these items head on.
Before jumping straight into what I learned, let me start at the beginning. When this month started approaching, I had a few different ideas on how I wanted to do it. At first, I was just going to take random classes – hip hop, salsa, zumba, etc. However, the universe intervened and my friend reached out to me to let me know they had recently been taking zouk and were having a blast. You whip your hair, you twirl, you get all close and sexy…. sign me up!
This started me on a mission of finding a local place that taught zouk. The only place in town that I was able to find that taught it was the local Arthur Murray studio. What a blessing in disguise because it turned out to be an absolutely amazing studio! The people are genuinely nice and funny, they teach all kinds of dances, and they have group/social get togethers multiple times a week.
I bought a package of 4 private lessons, which also included unlimited classes. After my first dance lesson, I was hooked! First off, I’ve never really danced anything besides club dancing and swing, let alone danced with someone who knew how to lead…. boy is that attractive. When someone can take charge and just lead you through the movements, I was impressed!
My first lesson is when I got a little taste of everything. We went over zouk, salsa, bachata, rumba, foxtrot, and waltz – just beautiful dances. I personally was drawn to the latin dances. I love the socialness and closeness of it. The private lessons are cool because you get that 1 on 1 time with your instructor to go over your specific challenges and desires. Plus my instructor is just hilarious, so it was a lot of fun as well.
Beyond the private lessons, there were the group classes, which are such a nice addition because you could learn other dances that you may not be focused on in your private lessons and it enabled you to practice in between lessons. They also have social parties, which are also super helpful because you get to dance with random people in a safe environment. The studio socials are great practice, but they are definitely PG rated. At some point I’ll have to put my big girl pants on and head to a salsa/bachata club for the R rated version!
There was also 1 week in September that I traveled to Cancun with my family and it was perfect because the hotel I was staying at offered a salsa class! It was fun learning how the styles change in different parts of the world.
Overall, this month has been amazing in 2 main areas. First, I’ve learned a new skill. At this point, I’d feel comfortable dancing foxtrot or waltz at a wedding or dancing salsa, bachata, zouk socially. I wouldn’t be able to do anything too fancy, but I’d be able to keep up for the most part!
Second, there was a lot of personal growth that came out of the experience. I learned how much it bothers me to be out of control. At one point my instructor literally wrote down on our post lesson notes that I need to “just give up.” To be fair, I had just kicked him during our dance lesson, so he has a point. This became a rolling joke for the rest of our lessons… “just give up Kelsey, there’s no use fighting it.” Once he called me out on this, it was like a game for me every time I danced. I consciously tried to let go of anticipating what is going to happen next and just trust that the other person will communicate with me.
The other thing that popped out at me was how much emphasis I put on having to look and be perfect. I’m extremely fearful of looking like a fool and being judged on my skill level. This became apparent as we got further into the month because I found myself more nervous going to the group classes then when I first started dancing. I think my reasoning for this was that when I’m super new at something, I’m expected to be bad, but once I’ve had a few lessons, people might start to judge me if I’m still struggling because I should know better. Those are some harsh standards I was setting for myself. Once I discovered this mindset, I actively tried to be easier on myself and not worry about what others think because honestly, that’s none of my business. Are you having fun? Are you stimulated in your own life? Then that’s all that matters!
This past month is a prime example of exactly what I was looking for when I started my Year of Adventures. The activity was fun and new, while also giving me some stark insights into my personal behaviors. If you are looking to build some confidence while also having fun, I highly suggest taking some dance classes. I promise you that only good things will come of it!
Dance is the hidden language of the soul, of the body.
– Martha Graham
